Et tu, Brute?
Sunday 9th November 2025
Alan fucking Carr. Alan Carr the man you are. What! A! Finale! Where were you when Nick bottled it? A modern Baroque painting was composed as I was upstanding, walking away from the screen, Sister was on her knees, Mum’s hands covering her face, Dad laughing at all of us slightly baffled as to what was unfolding before us.
It was absolutely Shakespearean. We had misunderstandings between star crossed lovers that ended in death on the double, we had jesters and fools, swords were drawn, pistols misfired, betrayal of the highest order, toil and trouble, gunpowder, treason, plot. If the Bard is back, and he’s at the BBC.
We’re seeing a global rise in gorgeous lovely men and I’m here for it. Mamdani MY MAYORRR won and New York’s back on my fly list, Nick Mohammed is my princess angel baby forever, David Olusoga is my tender gentle queen.
Seeing men capable of being nice has spurred me on in the search for Someone Nice for myself. Safe to say it’s not going so well. Matches are un-matching, my cute messages are going unanswered, I’m pretty sure the Horntail completely forgets I exist as soon as he leaves my flat as if he’s stumbling out of Narnia, and Bike Boy bailed out two weekends in a row. While his reasons were valid, I still spent two weekends sat indoors alone, having uncorked a Good Wine that I now can’t finish lest I decide to get randomly (and tragically) tipsy alone on a Sunday night.
This of course comes tumbling out of me having spent an afternoon smoking vogues and sipping the orange stuff with Author Friend, whose four-and-a-half-year marriage is actually quite aspirational. A chic couple with an even chicer (is that a word?) dog, they radiate spark and spice and he’s just, well, nice.
Anyway, time to put some physical distance between myself and this city that’s turning into a black hole of boredom and loneliness and jet off to somewhere exciting to kickstart the return of Fun Marge. Next time I see you, I think I’ll actually have a story to tell you that’s interesting and worldly! Tokyo, show me what you’ve got.